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Mr. O´Leary encounters an act of kindness

 

Mr. O´Leary was highly suspicious of acts of kindness. He had been working in a field – contract law – where nothing ever was what it first seemed to be. As a lawyer he had had to train himself to question not just every contract presented to him, but to question even the expressed will of every client who came to him to have a contract drafted.

This was kind of the connecting negative puzzle piece to the legal plain-meaning rule, a principle used by courts in interpreting contracts that provide that the objective definitions of contractual terms are controlling, irrespective of whether the language comports with the actual intention of either party.

Mr. O´Leary was a specialist in creating contracts that satisfied plain-meaning-interpretation, eliminating inconsistencies and double-meaning phrases, extracting the literal content of the contract from the hidden intention of his clients without making it plain that other than purely legal and contractual reasons were actually motivating his clients to sign a contract that was written thus.

His guiding principle in understanding the lawyer-client relationship was that clients expected him to know about them and their intentions without telling him, in fact, for him to know what they could have known about themselves but preferred not to know and thus would not relate to him in plain terms. He considered it his job to shield them from this kind of painful, self-reflecting knowledge and he was supremely certain that his clients expected him to not ever let them know what they preferred not to know about themselves but to keep it disguised from them while at the same time adjusting the contracts to their hidden goals thus allowing them to continue to feel – reasonably – good about themselves and at the same time satisfy – and justify – their true goals.

When he was a young lawyer still – and green with it – he executed – to the letter and in an irreproachable manner – what clients told him to do and wondered when they paid their bills without complaint and still carried their business elsewhere afterwards. But he was quick on the uptake and soon adjusted his business conduct. There were certainly things they did not teach you at law school. Ever since he´d adjusted his guiding principles , clients, high paying clients, knew how to find him even though he was literally hiding amidst his file boxes like the Minotaur at the heart of the labyrinth Daedalus designed.

A graduate and scholarship student of the University of Chicago Law school Mr. O´Leary in his day had had his choice of law firms who´d have been glad to consider his application. He was extremely smart and had an impeccable work ethic. He´d also been subject to the same prep-talk (he called it propaganda) of „success“ as his class mates. Judged by how their alma mater described her alumni they all were but a group of friends who would pick up the phone anytime one of them called with a question and sat down with him to walk through issues. According to their law school they all were extremely fun, thoughtful, smart, and FUN students, and would continue to bring the same energy to their work as lawyers.

It was not that he did not appreciate the excellent education and rigorous academic training he had received.He also knew that the average salary for newly minted law graduates was nearly about $180,000 per year by now and that the graduates were worth it. It meant that as a lawyer with no experience he could have immediately be in the top 5% of U.S. earners. But for some unfathomable reason he also knew that students graduating from a top tier law school were the same as people on average with the only – significant – difference that they were subject to more diversion and temptation.

He did not graduate top of his class to be diverted from life. He could have taken three or four top performing associates from any top law firm and founded his own big law firm as a naming partner. It was all within his reach. But it was not what he had wanted.

If it seemed strange to others that he had accepted Mr. Letterman´s offer to become a partner on 35th street rather than to join one of the top ten law firms in New York and get worn down as an associate there before being hired by an excellent law firm and becoming partner eventually it was because they did not know some of the things about him, he thought he had realized early on.

It was not a sign of humility that he had chosen Mr. Letterman sen. instead. It was not exceptional that he did not get drunk on the prep talk of success. He had not been a recluse in law school. He had actually differed from the other highly motivated graduates and future pilars of society in a degree up, not down, by a notch. He had wanted more. It had been an extreme act of arrogance and late-puberty idealism (the same) and the result of careful research. He had been very clear to himself about what he thought he wanted and what he thought he did not want.

He was convinced back then – and was convinced still – that life mostly just happened to people, even or especially people who graduated from top tier law schools. Even early on in law school, he was convinced that people wasted about 15 – 20 years of their lives and took another ten to rectify their initial mistakes, if they were so lucky to live as long as that. He was not going to be cheated by life in this manner.

Mr. Letterman had an excellent reputation. You did have to know  how to find him. The office address was not sufficient to get in touch with him. But Mr. O`Leary was a good observer. Mr. O´Leary had also been told that Mr. Letterman sen. was legend and did not accept any applications. He had been told that even if Mr. Letterman would accept an application, he´d be likely not to pay the kind of salary that a University of Chicago Law school graduate legitimately could expect as a starting salary. This was concluded by the state of Mr. Letterman´s cramped office and filing system.

But what mattered to Mr. O´Leary was something fairly abstract and elusive: he was convinced that Mr. Letterman was one of the few lawyers he´d ever encountered who was in charge of his own life. His research showed that nobody took Mr. Letterman sen. along for a ride. As Mr. O´Leary saw it, Mr. Letterman owed nobody a kindness. He certainly did not owe him, a recent graduate, an opportunity to reach out for the kind of life he thought Mr. Letterman had found. He knew though he was depending on an act of kindness for Mr. Letterman to accept his application.

Not that he believed in it. In kindness. He had been practicing law for many years now and he had lived in NYC for as many years and he was sure, absolutely sure, that he had never encountered a genuine act of kindness apart from Mr. Letterman´s willingness – as many years ago – to accept his application.

Reading Wallace as a legal intern, or: Being half as smart as a moose makes you a muffin

 

So, it turns out that reading David Foster Wallace kind of inflicted permanent damage to my brain. What I mean to say is that writing German is an elusive task for me since reading Wallace. Writing German I sound, well, I guess, cultured. Professional. Well phrased. Boring. Writing German is something I do every day, as I do it for a living, but which I do not half as well as I would could I use my other language for my legal briefs. I´d be brillant. If I could only write my briefs in English.

I write: „my“ other language, because though I feel I am represented extremely well by what I write in English, I also realize that I am not even close to being a fluent writer in English, and thus being extremely well represented by what I write in English also means that I am extremely well represented by a halting, hacking use of a foreign language riddled with mistakes, misconceptions and yearning. Which as far, as I know, are the signs of true love.

So strong is my rejection of my native language in representing who I am, that I feel better represented by a language that constantly demonstrates my limited ability to use it than my own that I master to the typical bourgeois degree your average lawyer is bound to. It is as if writing in English is a personal code my brain is using; hence the possessive pronoun, „my“ other language.

I am stuck, with other words, in the rejection of my mother tongue like a dutiful wife in a sensible marriage. I am also stuck between two languages, two ages, two cultures. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. It´s been years since I have been me. Thank god. Being me was scary as hell. I read a lot of David Foster Wallace when I was me. I heard the vermin stirring in the walls of the closet I called my New York apartment. I actually heard my hair growing when I turned off the light at night. You may conclude how scary being me was, when I tell you that I took that for a hopeful sign.

At daytime I worked in a crappy small place of a law office of 35th street and Lex. My German fellow interns were on the L.L.M. track, lived in trendy lofts they presumably leased for token rents from some distant American cousin and got accepted into prestigious law firms with company names that were longer than the hallway of my apartment. I worked in a place with boxes full of files stacked along the walls everywhere.

Some days it took me an hour to find my boss who was curiously enough named Mr. O´Leary (as if all my German knowledge of American subculture had convened in one place) because the labyrinth created by the file boxes changed every day as new documents had to be filed or old ones to be found.

I don´t know whether Mr. O´Leary, Esq. ,ever left the premises. Or his office for that matter. He was wearing the same crumpled, dark blue suit every day. Judged by the amount of bento take-out sushi boxes and Chinese fortune cookies that assembled in the margins of his desk like shells and sea weed left by a receding tide line he lived right there. Sometimes, in order to find Mr. O´Leary, in the morning to receive my assignments from him, I simply followed the Pizza guy who never had trouble finding Mr. O´Leary´s office. Mr. O-Leary liked pizza and coffee for breakfast. I never met Mr. Letterman sen.

The firm did real estate law exclusively. This being the age of the internet my boss advertised his services ONLINE with a company website that a client had put together lieu of a legal fee for Mr. OO´Leary and the invisible Mr. Letterman sen. whose existence had never been proven to me or any other employee I had talked to during my three-and-a-half years at O´Leary and Letterman sen. LLP. T

he website looked like a ripped out yellow page ad and said that O-Leary & Letterman sen. LLP did commercial and residential real estate transactions, presented „Comprehensive Legal Strategies for Real Estate Investors“, and excelled in the representation of sellers and purchasers in the sale, financing or leasing of multifamily and single family residential properties and a wide range of commercial properties. My job was mainly to draft office and retail leases somewhere in yet another closet that was 3/4 filled with file boxes, a copy machine and a small desk. The place smelled like cardboard and ozone. The whole firm was a nightmare of a fire hazard.

Once a month the cleaning lady removed the debris of take-out left overs (she never touched the file boxes, of course). When Mr. O´Leary´s desk was clean, there was enough place to write pay cheques. Minimum wages were a dream for me. I knew the cleaning lady was paid royally in comparison. I also knew all of our survival depended on her. She was worth it. I was replaceable. At best.

And yet I felt like I was on fire. No. Delete that. I was on fire. And reading David Foster Wallace confirmed it. That I was smart enough to read David Foster Wallace in English confirmed it. I was on fire and I was so super smart. Smarter than the German interns in the big law firms who for all I knew had no idea who David Foster Wallace was. Nor cared to know. Nor would have been able to read Wallace if they had cared. Or so I wanted to think.

Living in New York in a closet working in between a labyrinth of file boxes doing legal research on LexisNexis. I felt like living in a Coen brothers movie. Just without the action. When I read Wallace I didn´t care that we had a roach infestation in our prewar building or that I was only able to make rent by renting out the space under my dining table to a guy from Senegal who worked in a food truck till four in the morning and came home at 8.00 am to crash for a couple of hours. His name was Jawara. He kept his mattress and his few belongings in such neat order as only very poor people know how. I was rich in comparison to Jawara. We barely saw each other because I left for work when he came back home – which was why the arrangement worked – but I always felt kind of shy around the place that should have been my own but that due to my own kind of poverty I shared with an almost stranger who had set up camp underneath my dining table.

I felt so smart when I read David Foster Wallace (and only then) and I know, I KNOW, you are going to say that this – by statistical probability – could not have been but your typical college kid delusion. A bad case, too. Except that I was past college age. I was on fire and delusional, that much is true. Two things scared me while reading Wallace. 1. I got him (correct that: I was convinced I was the only person in the universe who got him) 2. I realized I was not half as smart as Wallace. Smarter than your average lawyer intern. Not half as smart as Wallace. And being half as smart as Wallace was just not that flattering a thought to me. Being half as smart as a moose makes you a muffin.

At least, I knew a few people who could well have been as smart as Wallace. I had no way to truly prove that, of course, prove that they were almost as smart as my guru Wallace. It was more of an educated guess. But judged by the rate they have died on me since I left the law firm on 35th and Lex. they probably had been. I have learned a few things just by being a muffin in the vicinity of very, very smart people. They tend to hide behind file boxes. And despite the fact that still no big name law firm would hire me, neither would they hire any of the very, very smart people I knew, some of which had law degrees. Not statistically speaking, just deducing by the kind of very, VERY, smart people I knew, I do have something in common with them. Being truly smart makes for a lonely life. As does being a muffin. But so does poverty. Illness. Old age. Alkohol. The wrong nationality. The wrong color of skin. As well as a few other suspects. Being any of the latter and being smart, really smart, is almost sure to be a killer.

But I should start from the beginning. How it happened that a German intern who was green with it, got to work for O´Leary and Letterman sen. LLP. on 35th Street.

Light a cane

Don’t ask me why the birds don’t fly, the bees don’t sting, the clouds don’t sing …  

Monstrous Creative Frenzy

The more legal work there is the more creative output i seem to generate. 

  
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
 

Nächtlicher Brief an einen fernen Freund, zum Glück…

 …

Ich nehme dieses ” Sich in die Welt erzählen” sehr ernst. Das Wort, das mit einem Buchstaben beginnt, der Buchstabe, der in einer Linie beginnt. Die Linie, die tanzt, deren Ausdehnung Zeit bedeutet und die sich mit anderen Linien verbindet zur endlosen Sequenz möglicher Worte, – und die sich alle in der endlosen Bibliothek von Borges befinden, katalogisiert, gebunden, illustriert, wirklich und scheinbar, ohne Ausdehnung, der Anfang und das Ende und der Anfang von allem. Nennen Sie diese Linien DNA, erkennen Sie ihren Schriftzug in der molekularen Struktur der Elemente, finden Sie sie in den Heiligen Schriften – in Verlegenheit eines besseren Begriffes könnten Sie mich als Atheistin mit einer tiefen Liebe zu der einen Geschichte, der Geschichte der Welt, bezeichnen.

Die Endlosigkeit vor Augen können wir doch nur die Metamorphose erkennen und macht nur die Metamorphose Sinn. Und wir können auch nur in der fortgesetzten Metamorphose leben. Wir suchen nach Kohärenz, Bedeutung, Zufriedenheit, aber tatsächlich lebendig sind wir nur im Widerspruch, im Augenblick, in einer Farbe, einem Atem, im Glück.

Die Möglichkeit des Glücks … Sie fragten, ob es auch ein Glück im Radikalen geben mag, in dem Blutrausch, der wohl jene leitet, die sich derzeit so medienwirksam in die Öffentlichkeit drängen. Und das Glück scheint Ihnen unzuverlässig, wenn es sich bei jenen niederlässt, die grausam handeln, die anderen Leid zufügen. Das Glück, so vermuten Sie, müsse ein schlechter Ratgeber sein, wenn es die Hand zum Guten wie zum Schlechten führen kann.

Und auf diesen Zweifel habe ich zwei Anmerkungen:

Zum einen, dass wir uns immer davor fürchten, dem ähnlich zu sein, den wir am meisten verachten. Weil wir wissen, dass alle Menschen von denselben Gefühlen bestimmt werden, müssen wir erkennen, dass der ganze Horizont menschlichen Handelns auch uns offen steht. Glück ist keine ethische Kategorie, es erlaubt uns nicht, Gut von Böse und Richtig von Falsch zu unterscheiden. Wir müssen in Betracht ziehen, dass auch der grausame Mensch Augenblicke des Glücks kennt und uns damit sehr ähnlich wird.Vielleicht ist der grausame Mensch auch gar nicht von uns zu unterscheiden.

Zum anderen, dass ich aber bezweifele, dass sich das Glück in der Grausamkeit finden oder herstellen lässt.

Im Glück sind wir verletzlich und offen. Im Glück sind wir selbstlos und erlauben der Welt, durch uns hindurch zu scheinen. Im Glück fürchten wir uns nicht, verteidigen wir uns nicht, verteidigen wir unsere Position im Leben, der sozialen Gemeinschaft und auch unseren Besitz, ideell oder materiell, nicht. Im Glück erlauben wir dem Leben, an unserer Statt Regie zu führen.

Glück ist kein Sieg. Es ist kein Triumph. Es ist das Licht der Vernunft, das sich in der Welt spiegelt und sich selbst erkennt.

In seiner Seltenheit, Unbeständigkeit und Unzuverlässigkeit läßt es sich weder planen, noch verdienen oder gar erarbeiten. Es wird nicht verliehen.

Es gibt dementsprechend keine Theorie des Glücks, kein System, mit dem es sich erklären oder verordnen läßt. Im Gegenteil läßt es sich beobachten, dass es sich entzieht, wenn man sich zu geordnet nähert. Dass es sich verflüchtigt, wenn man es erzwingt.

Sicher gibt es eine biochemische Beschreibung des Zustandes “Glück”. Wahrscheinlich gibt es Pillen, die dem Glück auf die Sprünge helfen. Obwohl ich bezweifle, dass chemisch induziertes Glück leuchtet.

Sie sehen, dass sich dieses Argument sehr weit von Ihrem entfernen will. Denn mit aller Entschiedenheit bin ich gewillt zu argumentieren, dass sich die Frage nach dem Sinn nur auf der allerersten Ebene des einzelnen Lebens beantworten läßt und sich darüberhinaus trotz der unzweifelhaften Schönheit des Weiten, des Großen, verliert und sinnlos wird.

Art.22 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child: subjecting refugee children to teargas to drive them off is a clear violation of Art. 22 . And Europe stands by.

1. 

States Parties shall take appropriate measures to ensure that a child who is seeking refugee status or who is considered a refugee in accordance with applicable international or domestic law and procedures shall, whether unaccompanied or accompanied by his or her parents or by any other person, receive appropriate protection and humanitarian assistance in the enjoyment of applicable rights set forth in the present Convention and in other international human rights or humanitarian instruments to which the said States are Parties.

Art. 1 GG (German Constitution)

Monsters for Children’s Rights. Clausnitz: On this day when some who felt they were entitled to do so, took pride in scaring and rough handling already traumatized refugee children, I point out: Have a close look at our Constitution, and realize that those who threaten others with violence do not represent anything remotely resembling German values.If you’re looking for a true German value, read Art. 1 GG : “Human dignity shall be inviolable. To respect and protect it shall be the duty of all state authority. The German people therefore acknowledge inviolable and inalienable human rights as the basis of every community, of peace and of justice in the world.” 

Monsters for the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child

A bit of madness, an inch of kindness, 2 grams of compassion, a squeeze of foresight, a millimeter of imagination … if you want peace for Europe you need to strive for peace outside Europe. Integrating newcomers to Europe, keeping refugee children from drowning and securing them safe passage instead ( as agreed to in the UN convention on the rights of the Child), offering them education and safety as the convention requires us to, is not charity but a powerful instrument for global stability within a generation.